Success in Seven Short Steps

Reblogged from psychology2010

theemotionmachine:

From Scientific American:

People who succeed in their jobs and in life are typically blessed with a special blend of four qualities: efficacy (self-confidence), resilience, hope and optimism. This mental confection, which scientists call psychological capital, reflects our capacity to overcome obstacles and push ourselves to pursue our ambitions. Not surprisingly, having lots of it is linked to both personal and professional fulfillment.

Although individuals vary in how much of this motivational firepower they possess, the amount is not fixed. You can boost your psychological capital—and the key is changing your habits. Simply deciding to improve your outlook won’t work. Instead, people need to cultivate a positive mindset through rituals and goals, say University of Nebraska management scholars Fred Luthans and Peter Harms. Here’s how:

1. Write a gratitude letter. Consider the people and things you are most grateful for—and write them down. If you wish, you can write a letter to a person who means a lot to you. The recipient is likely to be touched. But if addressing an individual is uncomfortable or inappropriate, pen a note to yourself about all the things that are going well or that you feel fortunate to have. Set aside a time each day to do this. For instance, write one journal entry each night just before bed listing the good things that happened to you and what you are grateful for. Too much of the time, we focus on our fears and problems, because those relate to situations we need to avoid or solve to survive. But if you stop to count your blessings, you will realize how lucky you are.

2. Seek out the good things in life. Make an effort to find situations that make you feel happy and proud. Spend time with those who love and support you. If you know people who make you feel miserable, don’t interact with them. “Although criticism can be a good thing,” Harms says, “unrelenting criticism rarely is.”

3. Don’t forget to relax. Exercise or meditate on a daily basis, even if you only have a short time to do so. Fifteen minutes per day to clear your head and relax has been shown to be associated with both happiness and physical wellbeing. Getting enough sleep helps as well, Luthans says.

4. Put problems in perspective. Think about the true scope of your troubles. “Not everything’s the end of the world,” Harms reminds me. In fact, he adds, most of us worry about relatively minor hassles and concerns on a daily basis. You worries will seem less significant if you compare them to those of people in the throes of divorce, who have lost their jobs or who have been diagnosed with a serious illness. Harms gets his perspective from soldiers he sees regularly for one of his projects. “These are people who are putting their lives on hold to go to a place where people are trying to kill them,” he reports.

5. Set achievable goals. Make sure your aims are meaningful to you so that you gain satisfaction from completing them. Make them challenging, but also realistic and specific enough that you can act on them. If you are too ambitious, you will set yourself up for failure. Then keep a record of your progress so that you can look back and see how far you have come. Seeing that improvement is possible will motivate you to keep moving forward.

6. Do nice things for others. One way to get in the habit of doing nice things for others, suggests Luthans, is to put three rubber bands around one of your wrists and transfer one band to the other wrist each time you do something kind for another person. The bands can serve as reminders to finish your three tasks before the day ends.

7. Spend money on experiences, not objects. Better yet, spend money on other people. Individuals who are given cash and told to spend it on others report higher levels of wellbeing than those who spend it on themselves, Luthans says.

The 7 Emotional Needs of Children

Reblogged from psychology2010

onlinecounsellingcollege:

All children are born with emotional needs. These needs must be met by the adults in their life if they’re to grow into confident and independent adults.  The acronym PARENTS summarises children’s needs (Protection, Acceptance, Recognition, Enforced limits, Nearness, Time and Support).

Protection: It’s crucial that all children feel safe and secure. This is essential for their very survival – and all children fear rejection and abandonment.  They need a sense of order and predictability, routine, peace and stability – so they can learn to trust others, and build relationships. However, if trust is absent, and they feel insecure, they’ll start to put up walls to keep other people out, and they’ll find it hard to trust and get close to anyone.

Acceptance: All children need to feel that they are loved and accepted - for who and what they are – without any strings attached. They so desperately want to be worthy of acceptance, and cherished and loved despite their limits and their failings. This is crucial information - for their parent is a mirror who reflects back to them the world’s perception of the child. It should tell them they are valuable and worthy of love – so the child learns to value and believe in themselves. However, if a parent is demanding, harsh or critical then the child will develop chronic low self-esteem.

Recognition: Children have an innate need to make their parents happy, and are desperate for praise, and to hear their parents say: “I’m so proud of you. You did a fabulous job.” But if approval is withheld, so the child feels they are worthless, they’ll likely give up hope, and they will lose the will to try. This may show itself in angry, acting out behaviour … or the child may withdraw, and expect little in life.

Enforced Limits: Children need a sense of predictability. They need to see that rules are followed, so life is NOT chaotic. For the world feels scary and doesn’t make much sense if boundaries are fluid and “just anything goes”.

Nearness: Expressing love is crucial for communicating love - so children need to be held and be hugged by their parents. In a very concrete way, this sends the powerful message that the child’s needs matter, and their parents care for them.  

Time: Children don’t distinguish between quality time and just hanging out, and spending lots of time with parents. They need to be in their presence, and to have their full attention, as that sends the message “I like being with you.” They then believe that others will like and want them, too.

Support:  The outside world is a scary place for children. It’s full of unknown dangers and unmet challenges. Thus, to launch out and discover they can cope and survive, children need to be certain that their parents’ will be there. That is, they need their encouragement, their affirmation, their constant support and their belief in the child. That helps the child to venture into and explore the outside world, so they develop independence and increased autonomy.

Rich Men & Beautiful Women

A reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum: 

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy? 

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. 

I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. 

You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. 

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? 

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? 

Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. 

If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough. 

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions: 
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym) 
2) Which age group should I target? 
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who don’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys. 

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married) 

Ms. Pretty 

A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan: 

Dear Ms. Pretty, 
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. 

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here. 

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. 

Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money” : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. 

However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year. 

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later. 

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”. 
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”. 

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. 

signed, 
J.P. Morgan CEO